


Spring And Summer

by ShipThatLadies



Series: DWSA Summer Camp AU [2]
Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Hanschen Melitta and Thea are siblings, M/M, angstier than the first because Hanschen's life is a mess, mentions of sexual assault and suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 08:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7566673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipThatLadies/pseuds/ShipThatLadies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Really, Hanschen thought he was going to kill someone. Ilse had woken him up at an ungodly time in the morning and proceeded to be annoying in a way only Ilse could. However, he could always hide out in Ernst's and Wendla's cabin. Or better yet, wake Wendla up as payback for sticking him with her stupid girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spring And Summer

A loud crashing sound was what awoke Hanschen at an ungodly hour in the morning. He sighed to himself and forced his eyes to stay shut, he had a good idea what had caused the sound and he was going to kill his cabin-mate if he was right. None the less, he slowly peeled his eyes open and saw that yes, he was correct. On the floor, there sat Ilse surrounded by art supplies, wincing at the metal easel that had fallen on the ground. 

“I hate you Ilse.” Hanschen growled. 

“I know.” Ilse sighed. 

Hanschen huffed and squeezed his eyes shut again. Maybe he could sleep again, maybe if he tried hard enough. Maybe if Ilse was quiet enough. He tried to ignore the sounds of paintbrushes rustling and things being moved around but as he heard a screeching, scraping sound that could only be Ilse moving the metal easel around, he snapped his eyes open and glared at Ilse. 

“Is now really an appropriate time to be painting? The sun is barely up.” Hanschen snapped. 

“Sorry Hansi.” Ilse shrugged. 

“Don’t call me Hansi.” 

“Okay Hansi.” 

Hanschen growled and pushed his head into his pillow. Maybe if he pressed himself into the bed enough, everything would just go away. He really, really wanted Ilse to go away. Maybe if he lay there for long enough, he’d be able to sleep again.

“Besides Hansi,” Ilse continued. “this is great practice for when you inevitably move into a small town house with Ernst and you adopt three cats and two dogs and he paints by the large bay window at three am.” 

Hanschen shot up at that and glared at Ilse. “First off, stop planning my life for me, only Wendla can do that, second off, Ernst wants four cats and two dogs, get it right and third off, it’d be different if Ernst painted at three am.” 

“Why would it be different?” Ilse questioned. 

Hanschen hesitated and didn’t say anything. 

“Aw, it’s because you love him isn’t it!” 

“I do not love Ernst!” Hanschen snapped. He regretted ever telling Wendla that he might maybe like Ernst because of course she’d tell her girlfriend, god damn it. Why couldn’t Wendla of just not told Ilse? Why couldn’t Wendla just accept that Hanschen did not like Ilse and just leave it alone? 

“Sure, that’s why you know the exact amount of cats and dogs he wants and didn’t deny wanting to move into a small town house with him. Because you don’t love him.” Ilse responded. 

“I do not love Ernst, fuck you.” Hanschen muttered. 

Ilse just smiled sweetly at him in a way that said “sure sure”. 

Hanschen could not take this anymore. He flung himself out of bed, grabbed his phone and a change of clothes and headed for the door. 

“Where are you going?” Ilse questioned. 

Hanschen only paused briefly to growl “Out.” before he left. 

He immediately headed down the dirt path towards the nearest bathrooms, kicking at the ground along the way. Normally he’d just change in the cabin in front of Ilse but he really couldn’t take this anymore. Really why did Ilse have to be like this? And why did Wendla just have to tell Ilse. This was really all Wendla’s fault when he thought about it. If Wendla hadn’t of started dating Ilse then she wouldn’t of made him room with her and then he wouldn’t be up at this ungodly time and he wouldn’t of been in such a foul mood. 

As Hanschen entered the bathroom, he could a bad idea but he couldn’t resist. It would just be too much fun and Wendla would absolutely deserve it, it was her fault after all. Hanschen hesitated briefly while changing, what if Wendla actually got annoyed with him for once? God knows she deserved to get mad at him after putting up with all his shit after all these years. But then again, could Wendla even get mad? He’d known Wendla since they were young children, since way before they started coming to this summer camp, although back than she was Thea best friend not his, and he’d only ever actually seen her mad a few times. Annoyed he’d seen a lot but not often mad. 

Hanschen shook his head as he left the bathroom and headed to Wendla’s and Ernst’s cabin. No, she wouldn’t actually be mad at him. Hopefully. If she did get mad at him though, well he probably deserved it. 

Once Hanschen had reached Wendla’s door he pressed the door button. And he pressed it again. And again and again. And again. He hoped the light flashing on the inside might wake her. It did not. After that he pounded on the door. He knew neither Ernst or Wendla would be able to hear it but he hoped that maybe the vibrations would wake them up. That did not work either. 

Hanschen rolled his eyes and sighed as he opened the door and walked to Wendla’s bed. He sat on the edge and gently he shook her awake. 

_“Hanschen?”_ Wendla signed as she sat up in her bed a bit. 

_“Indeed.”_ Hanschen confirmed. 

_“What are you doing here?”_ Wendla asked. 

_“Well, your dear darling girlfriend decided to wake me up at this ungodly time in the morning and since it’s your fault that I’m stuck with her, you get to deal with her not me.”_ Hanschen answered. 

Wendla rolled her eyes. _“Of course.”_

_“Also Wendla, was it really necessary that you told Ilse that I might like Ernst?”_

_“Yes.”_ Wendla replied. _“She's my girlfriend, she gets to know everything I know, just as you and I know everything each other knows because we're best friends.”_

_“But Ilse is awful!”_

Wendla glared at Hanschen and for once in her life actually looked pissed off. _“Why do you hate my girlfriend so much Hanschen?”_

_“I don’t hate Ilse.”_ Hanschen lied, pretending his heart wasn't twisting at the idea of actually upsetting his best friend. What if she decided Hanschen wasn't worth it anymore, that he was more trouble than he was worth? What if she left him too? He'd already had too many people leave, by choice or otherwise, he couldn't handle more, especially if that person was Wendla. Wendla was his best friend, he couldn't survive without her. Distantly a part of Hanschen's brain whispered that it didn't really matter in the long run, Wendla was going to leave him for Ilse at some point anyway. 

_“Hanschen.”_ Wendla replied, clearly not buying it. 

Hanschen sighed. _“Can we not have this talk right now? Can you go deal with her right now?”_

Wendla rolled her eyes as she started getting up. _“Fine. But we’re talking about it later and you are not getting out of it.”_

_“Fine.”_ Hanschen agreed unhappily. 

Before Wendla opened the door she paused to sign. _“By the way, you’re still not allowed on my bed, get off.”_

Hanschen rolled his eyes. _“Wendla, I’ve told you before, last time was not what it looked like.”_

_“I don’t care, get off.”_ Wendla responded. 

_“Fine.”_ Hanschen sighed and instead moved himself to the floor between the end of Wendla’s bed and her dresser. Wendla just nodded at him before leaving. 

Once Wendla was gone, Hanschen found his eyes drawn to Ernst's sleeping form across the room. As soon as he realized he was staring at Ernst though, he snapped his eyes away. This was not good. This was so not good. How the fuck had this stupid kid wormed his way into his heart? He was Hanschen, many believed he did not have a heart and he'd like to keep it that way and this stupid cute boy was making it hard. Seriously though, the only people who'd ever gotten to him so quickly were Wendla, Martha, both in a platonic sense, and well, and Max. Then again it wasn't like Ernst got to him straight away. It was more of an almost instant _'oh my god, this poor kid, someone has got to save this poor child'._ Seriously, he didn't even have a sign name when they first met, it was unacceptable! Not to mention seeing Ernst undressed and then later in his clothes and his khakis on the first day of meeting him did not help. Or how cute he was. Cute was not meant to be his type though, hot as fuck and relatively annoying was more his type. Like Melchior or Bobby. But then again, Max wasn't hot as fuck or annoying. Okay so maybe he was a little of both sometimes but whatever. 

Hanschen sighed and shook his head. He was thinking too much. He needed to stop thinking. To combat his brain, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. There wasn't any wifi here, well there was but it was in the reception building and he didn't feel like moving, so instead he just opened up his camera roll and started scrolling through. He smiled a little at all the selfies of him, Wendla and Martha from summer camp last year and tried not to laugh at the photo of Melchior, covered in mud, tackling a sparkling clean for once in his life Moritz to the ground and the look of horror on Moritz's face. Oh, and oh god, he found the photo of when Georg had dared Otto to kiss Melchior and they ended up making out for like a solid 10 minutes. It was funny at first, hence the photo, but it got a little horrifying after about the 20 second mark. He was just happy that his photo captured the looks of shock on not only Melchior's face at randomly getting kissed but also on Otto's face for actually doing it. Oh and you can't forget George cackling in the background and Moritz looking like he was either going to punch Otto or cry. Ah, good times. 

As he scrolled further back though, he got the urge to find a certain photo, a photo from a long time ago. He knew he shouldn't, he knew it would make him sad, it was too bittersweet. Yet he couldn't resist and scrolled back for quite a while before he found it. His heart twisted as he found it, but he smiled. He still never knew how to feel when he saw it, he didn't think he could ever describe it either. 

On his phone lay the last ever photo of him and Max. Max lay in a hospital bed with Hanschen by his side, both boys were grinning, one arm around each other, and giving thumbs up to the camera. Max had just shared with him and Wendla that the doctors said he was going to get better. They had been wrong. He got worse. Much worse. And then he died. But in that photo they both looked happy, they looked like they thought they still had a future together. Hanschen heart twisted at the memory of when he found out he died. He remembered the anger at the doctors for lying to them, for saying Max was going to get better. Of course, logically he knew the doctors couldn't of known either but he just remembered the blinding rage. They were meant to have a life together, they had planned it and everything, not that they told anyone else that, how could this happen? Everyone left him at some point and the one person who didn't want to leave him got no choice in it and left him too. 

Hanschen sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry. He was Hanschen, he didn't cry. Slowly though, he peeled his eyes opened and sighed again. Not like he had to worry about waking Ernst was noise. Slowly Hanschen raised his phone so the photo was next to a sleeping Ernst. Thea was right, they did look alike. He didn't want to admit it but Ernst did remind him of Max too and not just in looks. The look Ernst gave Hanschen on his first day when Hanschen didn't want to go get them food was almost the exact same look Max use to give Hanschen when Max was sick and Hanschen didn't want to leave his side, even to eat, and the way Ernst would sometimes tease him coyly, Max was always teasing him, sometimes coyly, sometimes not. Depended on the day. That was the thing about the two of the though, they were so similar yet so different, they were both Deaf with similar quirks but where Ernst was innocent and shy, Max was shameless and loud. 

“You would of liked him though Max.” Hanschen whispered to his phone. “You really would have, you two would have been best friends, best friends who would probably gang up on me but whatever, it would have been fun because it was you two. I bet-” 

Hanschen cut himself off as Ernst started to stir at the other side of the room. Just in case he woke up, Hanschen schooled his face into something less sad and more neutral. This was proved to be wise as Ernst opened his eyes and saw Hanschen. 

_“Hanschen?”_ Ernst signed, as he sat up in bed a little, the sheet falling down his chest a bit. 

_“My my Ernst, didn't know you were the type to sleep shirtless.”_ Hanschen teased. 

Ernst ignored him. _“What are you doing here? And where's Wendla?”_

_“Ilse decided to wake me up way to early in the morning and since it's Wendla's fault I'm stuck with her I made Wendla go deal with her.”_

Ernst just nodded sleepily. _“Okay well, I'm going back to sleep then. Just because you can't sleep doesn't mean I'm not aloud to.”_

_“But Ernst, I'm bored!”_ Hanschen protested, putting on his best pouty face. 

_“I don't care.”_ Ernst signed back. 

_“You should, the world centers around me so-”_ Hanschen was cut off as he had to dodge the pillow that Ernst had taken from under his own head and hurled at Hanschen. Hanschen made a mental note that Ernst was not to be tested in the mornings as he grinned, got up and gave the pillow back to Ernst who put it back under his head. _“Actually Ernst, I know a good way to wake you up.”_

_“I don't want to wake up, I want to sleep.”_

Hanschen ignored Ernst's answer and leered forward a bit as he talk, smirking a mischievous grin. _“Do you remember the first day we met, you said Ilse painting your toes tickled so I asked if you were ticklish and you wouldn't tell me so I said I'd find out one day?”_

Horror dawned on Ernst face. _“God, Hanschen, no, please no!”_

Ernst tried to scramble away but it was too late, Hanschen flung himself on top of Ernst, straddling his hips so he couldn't move and wriggled his fingers into Ernst's ribs. Hanschen could feel the biggest grin break out on his face because oh god, Ernst's laugh. It was a shame that Ernst himself couldn't hear it because it was goddamn beautiful. He wished he could hear it forever honestly. But soon Ernst's laughs became more gasps for air so at Ernst's attempt to push Hanschen's hands away, he finally relented and took his hands away. 

The two just stared at each other for a moment after that as they both tried to catch their breaths. Unfortunately for Hanschen, his breath was almost taken away again as he properly looked at Ernst. Underneath him, Ernst was bright red, whether it was from blushing or lack or air Hanschen didn’t know, and it spread all down his heaving chest and his hair was a mess from writhing against the pillow and oh god, to top it all off, Ernst was _smiling_ up at him, regardless of the fact that Hanschen has pinned and tickled him against his will. This was not usually how Hanschen ended up in this position with boys but he couldn’t bring himself to mind at all. 

Or at least he didn’t mind until he heard the door and turned to see Wendla had returned. 

_“This isn’t what it looks like!”_ Hanschen signed quickly. He knew his reputation and he didn’t want Wendla to think he’d jumped into bed with a guy he liked way too quickly, possibly without even saying how he felt. 

_“Really Hanschen, you sent me to Ilse so you could seduce Ernst?”_ Wendla smirked, ignoring Hanschen. _“I can’t believe I expected better of you.”_

_“I did not seduce him!”_ Hanschen signed, turning even more so Ernst couldn’t see what he was signing. 

At that, Ernst leaned around Hanschen to both try to see what he was signing and who was at the door. Upon seeing Wendla he blushed an even brighter red and quickly pushed Hanschen off him. Hanschen fell to the floor, sprawled ungracefully. He had not been expecting Ernst to do that. He’d have to get him back at some point. 

_“That wasn’t what it looked like!”_ Ernst signed as he sat up in bed, his face the brightest ever red. 

_“I already told her as much.”_ Hanschen signed after he’d sat up against Ernst’s bed and rubbed his now pained sides a little. Ernst winced at that and shot Hanschen an apologetic smile. 

_“Really?”_ Wendla asked. _“Because it looked like a panting, out of breath Hanschen straddling a bright red, also out of breath Ernst. And knowing Hanschen, there is only one logical explanation for that.”_

Hanschen rolled his eyes. _“Ernst woke up and wanted to go back to sleep but I was bored and didn’t want him to so he argued that he was tired so I said I knew a way to wake him up-”_

_“Right, absolutely does not sound like what I think.”_

_“-so I asked him if he remember the first day we met when I said I’d find out if he was ticklish one day and he tried to scramble away so I pinned him so he couldn’t get away and tickled him. I was just about to get off him when you came in.”_

_“Really because it looked like you were both content there, just staring into each other’s eyes.”_

Ernst blushed bright red and hid his face while Hanschen just gaped a little trying to think of something witty to say to combat how uncomfortable he was at the idea of Wendla accidentally letting Ernst onto Hanschen’s affection for him. 

Unfortunately, Hanschen failed miserably and instead turned to Ernst to sign _“I mean, it did work, didn’t it? You’re up now?”_

Ernst nodded. _“Yes, I’m up now.”_

Hanschen grinned at that. _“Great, so you’ll have no quarrels about coming with me for a swim in the lake?”_

Ernst groaned. _“Hanschen, isn’t it too early for swimming?”_

_“Maybe but that just means no one else will be there yet and we’ll have the lake completely to ourselves.”_

Ernst thought for a bit before he rolled his eyes. _“Fine.”_

_“Great!”_ Hanschen grinned. That grin fell though when Ernst made no move to get out of bed. _“Ernst? Aren’t you going to get changed?”_

Ernst blushed and hesitated so Wendla replied for him. _“He doesn’t want you seeing him undressed.”_

Hanschen looked to Ernst with a raised eyebrow. Ernst nodded in confirmation. Hanschen rolled his eyes and dramatically stood up and walked to Wendla’s side of the room, staring at the wall. Hanschen could pretty much feel Ernst and Wendla rolling their eyes at him. None the less, he stayed there until he felt a tap on his shoulders and turned around to see Ernst standing their in a swim shirt and swim shorts. Ernst grinned at Hanschen who smiled a little back. 

Hanschen turned to Wendla and signed. _“Well then, we'll be off now.”_

_“Sure. But I'll be dragging you away later to have that talk we talked about earlier, you're not getting out of it.”_ Wendla signed back. 

Hanschen sighed. _“I know.”_

_“Good.”_ Wendla nodded. _“Well, bye bye then boys!”_

_“Bye Wendla!”_ Ernst smiled. 

_“See you later Wendla.”_ Hanschen signed. 

With that the two boys left and Hanschen immediately headed for the lake. Ernst stopped and tugged on Hanschen's sleeve, frowning. 

_“What is it?”_ Hanschen asked. 

_“Don't you need to go get your swim clothes too?”_ Ernst frowned. 

Hanschen shook his head. _“No. I'll just take my shirt off and swim in these shorts, it doesn't matter.”_

Ernst blushed a little but nodded and followed Hanschen as he started to walking towards the lake again. Hanschen restrained himself from smirking, Ernst blushed so easily, just Hanschen saying he was going to take his shirt off made him blush. It was kind of adorable honestly. 

_“Also what did Wendla want to talk to you about?”_ Ernst asked once he'd caught up to Hanschen. 

Hanschen shrugged and lied. _“Nothing important.”_

Ernst smiled sweetly and bumped his shoulder to Hanschen's. _“Come on Hanschen, you can tell me, it's okay!”_

_“She wants to know why I hate Ilse so much.”_ Hanschen sighed. God damn it, why could Ernst just make him do things so easily? 

_“You hate Ilse?”_ Ernst frowned. 

_“No.”_ Hanschen lied. 

Ernst raised a singular eyebrow at Hanschen and he caved. God damn it. 

_“Yes, a little.”_

_“Why?”_

Hanschen just shook his head. He really didn't want to tell Ernst. Ernst did need to know that much about him, fuck, if he did know that much he might leave him too. He'd personally like to avoid that for as long as possible. 

_“I don't want to talk about it.”_ Hanschen answered. 

Ernst nodded but still looked concerned. Ernst then looked down at the ground and started kicking at the rocks there as they walked instead of continuing the conversation. Hanschen pretended his heart didn't pound at that. God, he upset people when he spoke and he upset people when he didn't speak, he couldn't do anything right could he? 

Hanschen waved his hand to regain Ernst's attention. _“So. How's rooming with Wendla going?”_

Ernst brightened at that. _“It's going great! Wendla is so sweet! It's also kind of nice being in a cabin decked out in fairy lights and polaroids!”_

_“That's great Ernst.”_ Hanschen smiled tightly and tried to ignore how his heart was twisting a little. 

_“You're still upset that you're not rooming with her this year, aren't you?”_ Ernst teased. 

_“Something like that, yes.”_ Hanschen answered, a small smile appearing on his face at the coy smile on Ernst's face. Truth be told though, Hanschen no longer knew who he was more jealous of, Ernst for getting to room with Wendla or Wendla for getting to room with Ernst. 

_“That's fair.”_ Ernst smiled. _“Wendla's so nice, everyone here is so nice honestly.”_

Hanschen just screwed up his face at that. 

_“Yes, H-A-N-S-I, I know you don't like everyone but everyone is still nice.”_ Ernst teased. 

_“First off, I hate that Melchior has got you calling me that too now”_ Hanschen responded. _“and second off, you haven't known everyone as long as I have. Trust me, there's a lot to not like, you just weren't around to see it.”_

Ernst rolled his eyes. _“First off, Melchior said it worked wonders for him when you two were”_ Ernst frowned, thinking of that right way to put it. _“whatever it was you two were so here I am. Second off, like what?”_

Hanschen shook his head. _“There's too many stories to tell.”_

_“Surely you have no stories against Martha or Wendla or your sisters, right?”_ Ernst teased. 

Hanschen smiled a little. _“Depends what sort of “against” you mean. I have plenty embarrassing stories on all of them, not so many stories of them actually being awful in some way. Unless it's Thea. I have a lot of Thea being awful in some way.”_

Ernst thought for a moment before asking with a small smile. _“Any stories of Martha being awful?”_

Hanschen paused to think for a moment. _“The only story coming to mind is the time Martha punched Melchior in the face but that wasn't awful, that was just awesome. Plus he deserved it. He also deserved the fact that I had punched him in the face earlier that day too. He also deserved getting punched by Thea later that day, then getting verbally torn apart by Melitta and then tackled by Ilse. Otto, Georg and Moritz all had to work together to pull her off him, it was pretty great.”_

Ernst looked horrified. _“Jesus Christ, what did Melchior do?”_

Hanschen froze at that. He couldn't tell Ernst that. He seriously couldn't. Melchior getting punched and torn apart was funny but the story of why that happened so wasn't. _“That's- that's not my story to tell. It's not a funny story either. It- it really wasn't good.”_

Ernst frowned. _“Who's story is it to tell then?”_

_“Wendla's.”_ Hanschen answered. _“But please don't ask her about it. It's something we don't talk about anymore. It took a long time for us all to move past it, including Melchior himself. He regrets it so much now. We were- we were all going through a rough time back then, none of us behaved well because of it.”_

Ernst frowned but nodded. Hanschen could tell Ernst so badly wanted to know but wouldn't ask further. Maybe Ernst would know one day. Who knows. 

Ernst instead paused before signing with a hesitant smile _“Any stories of Wendla being awful?”_

Hanschen took personal offence at that. _“No! Wendla is the sweetest person ever, she could never do anything awful!”_

Ernst burst out laughing at Hanschen's strong reaction and Hanschen could feel his heart beat faster. God fucking damn it, why was this stupid boy's laugh so nice to hear? Once Ernst had stop laughing, he grinned at Hanschen. Hanschen couldn't help but smiling back with his heart pounding. Hanschen soon couldn't take looking at him longer and broke his gaze to look ahead. The lake was in sight now. Actually that reminded Hanschen of something he was meaning to ask Ernst. 

_“Ernst, out of curiosity, why are you wearing a swim shirt?”_

_“Because we're going swimming?”_ Ernst answered. 

_“No, I mean, most boys our age swim shirtless, why aren't you?”_ Hanschen asked. 

Ernst shrugged. _“Not all of us are as confident or shameless about our bodies as you or Melchior.”_

_“You don't like your body?”_ Hanschen frowned. 

Ernst shrugged. _“I'm just not confident in it.”_

_“You should be. You could get any boy you wanted if you flaunted it a bit more.”_

Ernst blushed but all the same signed back _“Maybe I don't want any boy.”_

Hanschen grinned. _“My my Ernst, is there a certain boy you want?”_

Ernst went even redder. _“Maybe.”_

Hanschen forced himself to grin and made a mental note to restrain himself from punching whatever asshole had captured Ernst's attention. _“Well, maybe flaunt your body a bit more around them, they'd sure fall to their knees in front of you.”_

_“I don't think I even know how to flaunt my body at this point. Or flirt. Or anything.”_ Ernst frowned. 

_“Take your shirt off more, find excuses to touch them, bend over to pick things up instead of crouching, look up at them through your lashes while biting your lip coyly, sway your hips when you walk, that kind of thing.”_ Hanschen supplied, partly so he could take note of who Ernst started doing that around and then try not to punch them. 

Ernst blushed and stared intently at the ground, frowning a bit. Hanschen wanted to say more but they walk almost at the lake so he decided against it. Instead, once he was close enough to the lake, he stopped, Ernst following suit and stopping as well. Ernst looked up at Hanschen, frowning at why he had stopped. Hanschen just grinned and stripped his shirt off in one fluid motion before kicking his shoes off too. Hanschen noted the return of Ernst's blush at seeing Hanschen strip his shirt off and tried not to smirk. 

_“What are we waiting for?”_ Hanschen grinned. 

_“Nothing!”_ Ernst answered as he shook his head, trying to clear his blush. 

Hanschen just grinned before sprinting towards the water as fast as he could, only briefly looking behind him to see if Ernst was doing that same. He was. As soon as Hanschen was deep enough in the water, he threw himself under and smoothly emerged back up with his back arched and his hands pushing through his hair, slicking it back. Hanschen took note of Ernst blushing before looking down and staring intently at the water again. 

Hanschen rolled his eyes, Ernst was ridiculous. Yet somehow his ridiculousness was very charming and cute. Hanschen had no idea how Ernst managed it. Hanschen was so lost in his own thoughts of the stupid cute boy that he almost missed Ernst looking up at Hanschen with a look of determination. Before Hanschen could question it, Ernst stripped off his swim shirt and waded back to shore enough to throw it on land before wading back to Hanschen. 

_“What's this about?”_ Hanschen signed with a smirk, shamelessly raking his eyes over Ernst's now slightly more exposed body. 

Ernst looked like he wanted to shrink away from Hanschen's gaze but instead puffed his chest out a bit more and confidently signed _“You said I should flaunt my body more so I may as well start now, right?”_

_“Right.”_ Hanschen smirked, resisting the urge to rake his eyes over Ernst's body again. It was just a very nice body, okay? 

_“So what now?”_ Ernst asked. 

_“Well,”_ Hanschen answered, his smirk staying in place and his eyes glinting with mischief, as he waded towards Ernst. _“I still need to get payback for you kicking me off onto the floor earlier when you saw Wendla.”_

A look of horror flashed across Ernst face but before he could sign anything or even try to run or swim away, Hanschen leaped forward and tackled him, sending both of them falling into the water. The two scrabbled underwater for a bit before Ernst managed to break free from Hanschen and burst out of the water, gasping for air. Hanschen just resurfaced and stood across from Ernst grinning. Ernst glared at Hanschen playfully before stepping forward and shoving Hanschen so he fell backwards into the water. Hanschen scrambled to grab onto Ernst's arm as he fall, pulling Ernst into the water too. Hanschen had to bite his tongue as Ernst's bare chest tumbled into his own underneath the water. When the two emerged from under the water again, standing slightly too close, they just stared at each other for a moment before both burst out laughing. 

_“God, how are you like this?”_ Hanschen signed, trying to quiet his laughter. It was a good thing no one else was at the lake, he could not let the other's know that he ever laughed this freely or loudly. 

_“What do you mean?”_ Ernst giggled. 

_“How are you so happy?”_ Hanschen asked, not entirely lying. He did want to know how Ernst was so happy all the time but he really meant how the fuck did Ernst have this effect on him. Hanschen did not laugh like that ever. Well, he laughed like that a few times with Wendla and a bit with Max but since Max's death he didn't think he could recall laughing like that. How did Ernst do that to him? 

Ernst shrugged and grinned. _“There's a lot of beauty in this world, you know, you just have to look for it a bit.”_

_“Spoken like a true artist.”_ Hanschen shook his head, trying not to smile. 

Ernst just smiled before suddenly brightening even more. _“We should jump off the dock!”_

_“What?”_

_“The dock! We should jump off it!”_

_“Why?”_

_“For fun?”_

Hanschen shrugged. _“Fair enough.”_

Ernst grinned and grabbed Hanschen's hand, pulling him back to shore with him. Hanschen was torn between thinking about his heart beating faster and the childlike innocence in the gesture. On one hand, he hated that Ernst even just grabbing his hand made him feel weak in the knees but on the other hand, it was so childlike and innocent. Melchior use to take his hand and kiss it flirtatiously with a wink, Bobby use to only take his hand to pull Hanschen into his chest, Max use to just hold his hand as they lay in the grass or on his bed or wherever else and rub patterns onto Hanschen's hand with his thumb, but this? It's like Ernst never reached that stage where he started getting taught that holding hands was an intimate thing. 

Hanschen shook his head as Ernst lead him along the shore and up to the dock, briefly deterring to pick up their shirts from where they had left them. Hanschen will not deny absolutely checking out Ernst's ass as he bent over to pick up his shirt. He wasn't even wearing the goddamn khakis and his ass looked great, it so wasn't fair. God, Ernst was going to be the death of him.

As they continued onto the dock, a part of Hanschen was screaming to drop Ernst's hand in case someone saw but another part of Hanschen was screaming to literally never let go. He decided to meet each part half way and drop Ernst's hand whenever Ernst dropped his. That ended up being when Ernst had finally lead them to be standing right at the end of the dock. 

Ernst grinned widely at Hanschen as they stood there, soon reaching out and taking Hanschen's shirt from him. Just as Hanschen was about to grin back, Ernst swooped forward and pushed Hanschen off the dock and into the water. As Hanschen fell he distantly thought Ernst was cruel yet he didn't mind it one bit. Was it fucked up to think Ernst's meaner behavior was kind of hot? 

Once Hanschen resurfaced, he glared up at Ernst, still on the dock that sat not far above the water level. 

Ernst smiled sweetly and signed _“Payback for pulling me into the water before.”_

_“You pushed me in so I pulled you down with me!”_ Hanschen signed after he'd climbed back up onto the dock and sat down, his legs dangling into the water. 

_“You tackled me into the water!”_ Ernst signed after he'd sat down next to Hanschen, laying their shirts down behind him. 

_“You kicked me off the bed!”_

_“You tickled me!”_

_“You threw a pillow at me!”_

_“You wouldn't let me sleep!”_

Hanschen just huffed and shoved Ernst off the dock and into the water. When Ernst soon didn't emerge from the water, Hanschen got concerned and leaned over to look into the water, trying to catch a glimpse of the boy below the surface. Unfortunately, this proved to be a stupid move as Ernst shot up out of the water, wrapped his arms around Hanschen's shoulders and tugged him off the dock and into the water alongside him. It kind of reminded Hanschen of some sort of man-eating mermaid or siren. 

Upon breaching the surface, Ernst kept his hands on Hanschen's shoulders and Hanschen tried not to let it drive him crazy. Instead he opted for glaring at Ernst before pushing away and splashing water at him. Ernst just giggled and splashed back. Hanschen tried to shake off a smile at Ernst's stupid giggle but it still stuck. To try to hide his smile, he climbed back up onto the dock and kicked his legs in the water, sending waves splashing into Ernst's face. Ernst spluttered but laughed all the way, bringing his hands up to try to protect his face from the intense spray of water. After a couple seconds though, Hanschen let up and Ernst grinned up at him before climbing back up beside Hanschen onto the dock. 

Hanschen watched as Ernst looked like he was going to move to sign something but instead looked down at his feet, biting his lip, before looking up at Hanschen through his lashes. God Hanschen wanted to kiss him in that moment. Hanschen moved in a little but then he heard feet banging on the wooden dock as someone walked up the dock and he yanked his head back and turned to look at whoever had interrupted them. It turns out it was Moritz and Wendla who were walking up the dock towards them. Hanschen sighed in annoyance. 

_“What do you two want?”_ Hanschen sighed once Wendla and Moritz had reached them. 

_“I need to talk to Ernst!”_ Moritz answered, looking panicked, not that that wasn't normal for Moritz at this point. 

_“And we still need to have that talk Hanschen and I thought if Moritz was going to pull Ernst away, we may as well have that talk now.”_ Wendla added. Hanschen huffed in annoyance at that. 

_“What do you need to talk to me about?”_ Ernst asked Moritz. Moritz hesitated and looked at the ground instead, shifting uncomfortably from side to side. _“Is this about?”_ Ernst raised an eyebrow rather than signing a name and Moritz quickly nodded. 

Ernst shook his head but smiled as he got up from his spot next to Hanschen and followed Moritz as Hanschen found his long ago abandoned shirt and tugged it back on. Wendla moved to sit down cross-legged in Ernst's now vacant spot but Hanschen ignored her in favour of staring after Ernst and, Jesus Christ, was Ernst swaying his hips as he walked away? Fuck, did that mean it was Moritz that had captured Ernst's attention? Hanschen felt a brief flash of rage towards the anxious boy but was quickly pulled out of it as Wendla tugged on Hanschen's sleeve to get his attention. 

_“So that talk.”_ Wendla signed. _“Why do you hate my girlfriend so much?”_

_“I don’t hate Ilse.”_ Hanschen tried again. 

_“Hanschen.”_ Wendla replied, still not having it. 

Hanschen just sighed, looking away at his feet kicking in the water. Wendla tugged on Hanschen’s sleeve again and shot him a serious look. 

_“I don’t hate Ilse.”_ Hanschen repeated, weaker this time. 

_“Hanschen please.”_ Wendla responded, her face softening. _“I’m not going to hate you or leave you if you tell me, but I might if you keep being like this without even telling me why.”_

Inside Hanschen he felt like he was being ripped in two. He so badly didn’t want to tell Wendla, no matter what she said, she was going to hate him if he told her but at the same time she just said it herself, she would leave him if he kept being like this towards Ilse without saying why. He didn’t know what to do. A part of him knew it didn’t matter in the long run. She would leave him eventually anyway. Fuck, she pretty much already was, that was part of why he hated Ilse anyway. Not all of why he hated her, but definitely part of it. 

_“Where do you want me to start?”_ Hanschen answered, he had to tell her. He had to. 

_“Anywhere.”_ Wendla signed gently. 

Hanschen hesitated for a second but he caved. _“You’re going to leave me for her.”_

_“Oh, Hanschen.”_ Wendla sighed, her face full of concern. _“I’m not going to leave you for her. There’s enough room in my life for the both of you.”_

_“Even if there is enough room, you’ll decide you don’t like me and leave anyway.”_ Hanschen signed. _“Everyone does, it’s okay. It just doesn’t help that you’ll leave me for her. Because- because she’s like me if I were happy. We both came from fucked up families, although I didn’t run away, our fathers both hit us, mine not as often as Ilse’s though, we both enjoy pissing everyone else off but Ilse is cute and nice and happy enough that she can get away with it, I’m not. Ilse’s troubles made her stronger and happier and better, mine just broke me. Ilse managed to stay optimistic about the future, I have no hope for it anymore. Why stay with the unhappy broken version if you can have the happy non-broken version?”_

_“Hanschen, I’m not going to leave you for her.”_ Wendla repeated. _“You’re two different brilliant people, I love both of you and I want both of you with me, happy or not, broken or not, optimistic or not.”_

_“But you will at some point Wendla!”_ Hanschen insisted. _“Everyone does. You’re with Ilse now, Max died, Bobby dropped me and ran, so did Melchior although that one I’m not exactly unhappy about, I’m not going to pretend I haven’t seen the way Melitta and Martha have been looking at each other recently and Thea still hates me, she still blames me for our parents splitting.”_

Wendla’s eyes soften a lot at hearing about Thea. _“You still haven’t told her why you fought with your dad so much, have you?”_

Hanschen shook his head. _“Melitta and I agreed it’d be best not to tell her, I’m sticking to that.”_

_“If you just told her she wouldn’t hate you anymore though Hanschen.”_ Wendla pointed out. _“Although I honestly don’t think she actually hates you. I know that the very least she still cares about you and that she doesn't want to see you get hurt.”_

Hanschen shrugged. _“It’s Thea not liking me, an easy thing to do, versus knowing our father thinks she’s broken because she’s Deaf and aromantic. Hating me is easier.”_

_“It’s not fair that you get the blame.”_ Wendla answered, shaking her head. _“You protected and defended her against his words, even at the cost of physical retribution, and you get blame because you just won’t tell her.”_

_“It’s better this way.”_ Hanschen answered. 

_“Is it really though?”_ Wendla asked. _“He won’t even learn sign for her, I think a part of Thea already knows he doesn’t care about her.”_

_“There’s still a difference between not caring and despising their existence.”_ Hanschen pointed out. 

Wendell nodded slowly. _“I guess. But it’s still not fair.”_

Hanschen shrugged. _“I don’t know. It’s not completely in accurate saying that it’s my fault our parents split. I yelled and I fought and I didn’t back down against our father when he spoke disapprovingly of Thea. So he hit me. So mum left him once she found out. If I had just left it, I wouldn’t of gotten hit and mum wouldn’t of left.”_

_“But then no one would of defended Thea.”_ Wendla pointed out. 

_“Maybe that was for the best. It’s not like she could hear him when he spoke badly of her and it’s not like I was going to sign while fighting with him.”_

_“Maybe.”_ Wendla shrugged. _“But if they were still together, probably no one would be happy. If they were destined to get divorced then they were destined to get divorced, you not fighting your dad about Thea wouldn’t of changed that.”_

Hanschen shrugged and looked away so Wendla left it. Instead she just took Hanschen’s hand into her own and leaned against his side, head on his shoulder and gazing off into the water with him. After a few minutes of them both just thinking and staring out, Wendla tugged on Hanschen’s sleeve again. 

_“You’re really not going to be alone though Hanschen.”_ Wendla signed to him softly. 

_“You don’t know that.”_ Hanschen replied. 

_“No, I know you won’t.”_ Wendla signed again, confident in her words but still signing gently. 

_“How do you know that then?”_ Hanschen asked. 

_“Because I’ve seen they way Ernst looks at you when you’re not looking. He really likes you, you know.”_

Hanschen heart sped up at that. Ernst liked him? Wendla probably just meant as a friend or as a pretty body to stare at though. Why would anyone actually like him? He didn’t understand why Wendla liked him, not even Hanschen liked Hanschen, why would Ernst? Even if Ernst did just like him in a platonic way, just why. 

_“Maybe for now but he doesn’t know everything about me yet. He doesn’t know about my family or about how broken I am. He won’t like me after all that.”_ Hanschen replied. 

_“I know all that and I still like you Hanschen.”_ Wendla pointed out. 

Hanschen just shrugged. _“He’ll still leave at some point then.”_

Wendla just looked like she was biting back a laugh. _“Trust me, no he won’t.”_

_“He will. He’ll find everything out and he’ll leave me.”_

_“He won’t. Ernst is understanding and nice. The other’s have been comparing him to a male me and I’m still here so Ernst will still be here too. I’m betting Ernst’ll just hug you and try to not to cry like I did.”_

Hanschen shook his head. He then hesitated before signing _“He asked me about the Melchior situation earlier. I didn’t tell him, it’s not my story to tell but he asked about it. If he’s as understanding as you think then he’d understand all that too.”_

_“If it’d make you more confident in him not leaving you, you can tell him.”_ Wendla shrugged. _“Plus it’s not like it’s really just my story. It’s all of our’s at this point. Including your’s Hanschen.”_

_“It kind of is just your story though Wendla. It’s what Melchior did to you.”_

_“Yes but it’s also why Melchior tried that and it’s how finding out about it effected Moritz and it’s how you saved me and it’s how Ilse saved Moritz and it’s how all of it damaged all of us. It was a domino effect situation Hanschen, it effected all of us.”_

Hanschen nodded a little. _“I guess.”_

Wendla just shrugged in return. _“But anyway, that’s beside the point. Ernst really does like you Hanschen.”_

_“You’re just saying that because you know how I feel about him and you don’t want to hurt me.”_

_“Hanschen, when have I ever lied to spare your feelings?”_

Hanschen paused in thought for a moment. _“Fair point.”_

_“Exactly.”_ Wendla nodded. 

After that, the two stopped signing again and both stared out at the water in thought. Could Ernst really like Hanschen? He really didn’t know. He could barely process people like Hanschen for more than his body, why would Ernst want to be friends with him? Why would Ernst ever want to be more than friends with him? He questioned strongly why Wendla or Martha or Melitta had stuck around this long, he just didn’t understand it. He was awful and he acted cold and mean and sarcastic and he pushed everyone away and then broke down because everyone leaves him. He was a mess. Not to mention his constant paranoia over pretty much everything. Hanschen liked being able to see what was coming next but that was hard when life is unpredictable. Over the years he’d gotten pretty good at pretending everything wasn’t scaring him but once people got past his well constructed outer shell and saw he was a mess, why would they stay? His outer shell was sarcastic and mean and deeper down he was just a mess, why would anyone ever stay for either of those things? 

Hanschen was pulled from his thoughts as Wendla waved her hand.

_“I should probably get going.”_ Wendla signed. _“Martha said she wanted to talk to me after I finished talking to you.”_

Hanschen nodded. _“Goodbye Wendla.”_

_“Bye Hanschen.”_ Wendla signed before getting up and leaving. Usually Hanschen would of watched her go but he didn't feel like it. He just stayed staring out at the water. 

He didn't know how to feel right now honestly. His head was a mess. He kept jumping from thought to thought, from what a mess he was to Ernst to Max and straight back to what a mess he was. God, he couldn't even keep his own thoughts straight, why did he have to be like this? Why couldn't he just be a normal, non fuck up like Anna or even Otto. Why couldn't he be nice like Wendla or strong like Martha or caring like Melitta or protective like Thea? Why couldn't he be _good?_

Hanschen sighed and shook his head. He needed to stop thinking about this. Unfortunately, the only other thing he could think of right now was whether or not he should tell Ernst about what happened with Melchior and Wendla. He didn't know what to do. It was a big thing, everyone knew about it. It effected pretty much everyone, just like Wendla said. But it was also something they didn't really talk about anymore. Everyone kind of just mutually agreed on that. It caused so much pain when it happened, it could only cause more by talking about it more. Plus, everyone had changed a lot since then. Especially Melchior. Well, he was still an asshole but at least he wasn't _that_ kind of asshole anymore. But still, it was Melchior who fucked up big back then and he knew how much Melchior hated himself for everything he did back then, it might not be fair to tell Ernst and ruin Melchior's image for Ernst. But then again, the rest of them knew and they were all okay with Melchior again now. It was in the past. Hence why they didn't talk about it anymore. 

Hanschen was pulled from his thoughts as someone sat down next to him. 

“Hey Hanschen.” Melchior spoke as he sat down. Hanschen just nodded a greeting but didn't speak. “What're you thinking about? You look all pensive and shit.” 

“What happened with you and Wendla.” Hanschen answered honestly, still staring out at the water rather than looking at Melchior. “Ernst was asking about it.” 

“Oh.” Melchior breathed out as he followed Hanschen's gaze into the lake. “Did you tell him?” 

Hanschen shook his head. “No. I told him it wasn't my story to tell.” 

Melchior just nodded slowly. “You know I still hate myself for all that, right?”

“I know.” Hanschen nodded. 

There was a pause before Melchior spoke again, sounding a lot more scared than Hanschen had heard him sound in a long time. “Are you still mad at me for that?” 

Hanschen shrugged. “Honestly, a little. You fucked up big time Melchior.” 

“I know.” Melchior nodded. 

“You fucked up my best friend, you didn't even notice your best friend was suicidal and Ilse of all people had to save him.” 

“I know.” Melchior repeated, knowing he deserved this. 

“I know you had your own shit going on, parents getting divorced is never fun, I know that first hand but that doesn't excuse what you did. The rest of us had shit going on too but none of us took it out on anyone else.” 

Melchior raised an eyebrow at this. “I know Ilse and Martha were both being abused but everyone else?” 

Hanschen shrugged. “It's not my place to say anyone else's.” 

“What about your's then?” 

Hanschen snorted. “No way, fuck you.” 

“You know about mine, why don't I get to know your's?” 

“I know your's because everyone knows your's. Your parents got divorced so you didn't believe love existed so you hurt your girlfriend, my best friend, and ignored your suicidle best friend. It all became public when I had to pull you off Wendla and Ilse had to keep Moritz from taking his own life, that's your fault not mine.”

“Point taken.” Melchior nodded, then continued, sounding more broken as he spoke. “I really do hate myself for it though. Most people fuck up in some way throughout their lives but usually it's not as big a fuck up as what I did. I hate myself for it so much. I don't know why all of you forgave me. I didn't deserve it.” 

“We forgave you because Wendla forgave you.” Hanschen responded. 

“I don't understand why she forgave me either.” Melchior replied, shaking his head. “Or why you did. I literally used you for only your body afterwards.”

“I offered.” Hanschen shrugged. 

“Yeah so I wouldn't try anything on Wendla again. You said that right from the start.” Melchior pointed out. 

“Yes, that time. The other times not so much.” 

“Why did we even hook up the other times?” Melchior questioned. 

Hanschen shrugged. “We hooked up the first time because we were both broken and the other times were just fun I guess.” 

“You were broken?” 

“I already told you, I'm not telling you my shit.” 

Melchior rolled his eyes. “You can't just keep half saying shit and not explaining the rest.” 

“Fuck you, not everyone has to have their whole life out on the table like you do.” 

Melchior shrugged. “And not everyone has to have their life completely closed off like you do.”

Hanschen just shrugged in reply. “I like having a private life. Too many of you already know too much about me. If it was up to me no one other than maybe Wendla or Martha would know about Bobby or my parent's divorce.” 

“Is that really a good way to live though?” Melchior questioned. “Living in secrecy, not knowing who to trust? If you have everything on the table right from the start then you know who you can trust right from the start.” 

“Then you'd be okay with me telling Ernst about what happened with you and Wendla?” Hanschen challenged. He knew it was probably a cruel move but it was the only way he could get Melchior's consent to tell Ernst without it seeming like Hanschen actually cared about Melchior's feelings. 

Melchior froze up briefly before he shrugged. “Sure. He'd probably end up finding out at some point anyway. Him and Moritz have been getting pretty close.” 

“Don't remind me.” Hanschen spoke bitterly. 

“Hey, I'm not a fan on it either.” Melchior replied. “I'm happy Moritz is making more friends, Moritz deserves more good friends but I'd also like to have my best friend back.” 

“Yes because “good friends” is all you and Moritz are.” Hanschen replied sarcastically. “No unresolved sexual tension that has been going on for years which literally everyone is sick of there at all.” 

“Shut the fuck up Rilow.” Melchior replied. 

“Only once you fuck Moritz, Gabor.” Hanschen shot back. 

“Fuck you, don't talk about Moritz like that.” Melchior fired back. 

Hanschen shrugged. “Is it just hard to hear because you know you want to?” 

“No it's hard to hear because I don't want to.” 

Hanschen raised an eyebrow at that. “Really?” 

“Yes.” Melchior nodded. “Usually I'm up for sleeping with anyone, you know me, but I don't want to sleep with Moritz. I mean, I do, but I don't want it to just be sleeping with Moritz. I want what I thought I had with Wendla before I fucked everything up with her with Moritz and I want him to feel the same way.” 

Hanschen just nodded. He knew that feeling. “Tell him that.” 

“Ironic coming from you, king of never telling anyone anything.” Melchior snorted. 

“I've told someone how I felt just as many times as you have.” Hanschen pointed out. 

“No you fucking haven't!” Melchior replied. “I told Wendla how I felt about her, you've told no one. You've just slept around a lot.” 

“I've told someone that I loved them before.” Hanschen said. 

Melchior just screwed up his face at that. “Who?” 

Hanschen hesitated before speaking. “Max.” 

Melchior looked confused for a moment. “Oh wait, was he your scrawny friend I met that time I came down to visit Wendla?” 

Hanschen nodded. “Yes, that was him.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Melchior nodded. “he seemed nice, whatever happened to him?” 

“He died.” Hanschen put it bluntly. 

“Oh.” was all Melchior replied with. 

“Yeah.” Hanschen nodded. 

“And you loved him?” Melchior asked. 

“Yes.” Hanschen nodded again. 

“And he knew that?” 

“Yes.” 

“Did he love you too?” 

“Yes.” 

“And you two were in love with each other when he died?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck.” 

“I know.” 

The two fell into silence after that. Hanschen wondered what Melchior was thinking now that he knew about Max. No one other than the girls knew about Max, certainly not Hanschen's father. God, Hanschen could only imagine what his father's reaction to finding out about Max would have been. Hanschen had been told the same thing that Thea got told after she came out to their father, they'd both been coldly told to not tell anyone else. Their father was a businessman, he had a reputation to protect, having queer children wouldn't bode well for him. So they weren't aloud to tell anyone. Thea had lowered her head and accepted it but cried later that day, Hanschen had said okay but still slept around with boys and dated Max. Melitta had thankfully learnt from Hanschen and Thea and decided to not come out to their father. It was probably the smart way to go at this point. 

Both Melchior and Hanschen were pulled from their thoughts as they both heard footsteps on the dock and turned to see who it was. 

_“Hello Moritz.”_ Melchior smiled to his best friend. 

_“Hello Melchior!”_ Moritz smiled. _“Hello Hanschen.”_

Hanschen nodded his greeting. 

_“Anything you need Moritz?”_ Melchior asked. 

Moritz nodded quickly. _“Can we talk?”_

Melchior raised an eyebrow. _“Yes?”_

Moritz just smiled awkwardly at Melchior so Melchior stood up to join Moritz. He turned to Hanschen and signed _“Goodbye Hanschen.”_

_“Goodbye Melchior.”_ Hanschen nodded. 

With that, Moritz and Melchior left and Hanschen was left with his own thoughts again. Unfortunately, that may not have been a good thing as his mind drifted back to Max. Why did Max have to die? It wasn't fair. He should still be here. If he were here, maybe he'd be sitting here with him, maybe they'd both be staring out into the water, holding hands and thinking about how perfect this moment was. But instead, he was alone, sitting by himself on a dock, feeling sorry for himself. Moritz and Melchior had each other, Ilse and Wendla had each other, Melitta and Martha had each other but he was alone. God, he must look pathetic to anyone who saw him now. 

Unfortunately, that was when he heard footsteps coming towards him and turned to see Ernst making his way towards him, now fully dressed in normal clothes rather than just the swim shorts he'd been in last time Hanschen had seen him. Damn it, Hanschen hoped Ernst hadn't seen him pretty much moping. 

_“Hello Hanschen!”_ Ernst grinned after he'd sat down next to Hanschen. 

_“Hello Ernst.”_ Hanschen smiled to Ernst. _“What did Moritz want to talk to you about?”_

Ernst smiled and shook his head. _“He just wanted to complain about Melchior being oblivious to Moritz's affection for him and how Melchior'll probably never love back.”_

Hanschen rolled his eyes. _“Those two are idiots.”_

_“You told me as much on my first day and I'm starting to see what you mean.”_ Ernst giggled. 

_“I honestly don't think they're ever going to get their shit together at this point.”_ Hanschen replied. _“It's been years and my hope for them has been thoroughly crushed.”_

_“I like to think they still have hope.”_ Ernst smiled. _“They'd be good together.”_

Hanschen nodded a little, sort of hesitantly. They would be good together but Melchior did like completely miss Moritz becoming depressed and suicidle, that wasn't a very good best friend thing to do and an even worse boyfriend thing to do. 

Ernst seemed to pick up on Hanschen's hesitance and frowned. _“What is it Hanschen?”_

Hanschen shrugged. _“I don't know. There's just a lot of history between all of us that you don't know, especially to do with Melchior.”_

_“Is this part of the Melchior and Wendla thing?”_

Hanschen nodded shortly. _“Kind of, yes.”_

Ernst just frowned at the water in front of them. 

_“Wendla said I could tell you, just by the way.”_ Hanschen added as casually as he could, trying to make it seem like not a big deal. _“She says she trust that you won't care. Melchior too.”_

_“Okay?”_ Ernst asked. _“What happened then?”_

Hanschen sighed. _“Before I tell you, I need you to know that Melchior isn't like this anymore. Wendla forgave him and so did Moritz so the rest of us forgave him too. He fucked up big time but he's different now. Still an asshole but different. You also need to know we all had our own shit going on back then which is kind of why it happened.”_

_“Okay.”_ Ernst nodded. 

_“So, well, basically, Wendla and Melchior use to date.”_ Hanschen started. _“Melchior's parents got divorced a bit after they started dating and it convinced Melchior that love didn't exist and that him and Wendla weren't real anyway. He thought he could do whatever to Wendla and it wouldn't matter because she didn't love him. So one day, they were gross and coupley in private and Melchior wanted to go further and Wendla didn't and told him to stop. He did not. He only got to unbuttoning her top when I came in and pulled him off her and kicked him out of mine and Wendla's cabin. Wendla told me what happened and I stayed with her until she fell asleep and then went and punched Melchior in the face. In front of everyone. Which was not a good move. Since I caused a scene, everyone else flipped out too. Especially Martha and Ilse, the subject is way too close to home for them. Meanwhile this was happening, Moritz had slowly been becoming depression and suicidal, did he ever tell you that?”_

Ernst nodded. _“Yes, he has.”_

Hanschen nodded and continued _“Anyway, Melchior had just outright been ignoring him for Wendla. Hearing that Melchior had done what he did was the last straw for him and he planned to kill himself but Ilse found out about it and stopped him.”_

Ernst nodded, a prominent frown on his face. _“So basically, Melchior sexually assaulted Wendla and ignored his suicidal best friend?”_

_“Yes.”_ Hanschen nodded. _“He hates himself so much for it now though. He learnt from his mistakes and he got better. As I said, Wendla and Moritz forgave him and because of that, so did the rest of us.”_

Ernst just nodded again. _“I see. If you've forgiven him, why do you keep bringing it up?”_

_“So maybe I haven't completely forgiven him.”_ Hanschen sighed. _“He hurt Wendla, so much, I know she's fine now but I don't think I can ever fully forgive him for how much he hurt her.”_

_“That's probably fair.”_ Ernst responded. _“I don't think I could ever forgive anyone who'd hurt Wendla either and I haven't even known her as long as you have.”_

Hanschen smiled a little at that so Ernst added, a little timidly _“Of course, a little bit of that is because of how much you care about her.”_

Hanschen furrowed his brow in confusion. _“What do you mean?”_

_“You care about her and I care about you.”_ Ernst explained, looking away with a blush. _“You'd be sad if she was sad so I'd be sad because both of you were sad.”_

_“We shouldn't be sad then.”_ Hanschen smiled softly as he struggled to keep the love and admiration out of his eyes.

Ernst smiled back at him, the same look of love and admiration reflected in his eyes. _“We don't have to be sad then. We can stay here forever in this moment, sun setting across the lake, feet dangling in the water and everything being beautiful.”_

Hanschen just continued to smile softly at Ernst and tried to not let his heart burst. God, if his heart burst it'd be so embarrassing to admit it was because of a cute boy. He'd never be able to be seen again. He'd have to live in exile, if he even lived. And it'd all be Ernst's fault. God damn it Ernst. 

Ernst turned away from Hanschen to lean against Hanschen's side, his head resting on Hanschen's shoulder. Ernst smiled softly and signed _“Perfect.”_ , tilting his head up to keep it on Hanschen's shoulder but look up at Hanschen's face through his lashes. 

Okay, nope, now Hanschen was actually going to die. His heart was going to burst and he was going to die. Or kiss him. Hanschen decided to go with kiss him. Hanschen titled his face down and leaned down to kiss Ernst but was met halfway. It was definitely one of the chaster kisses Hanschen had had but he was convinced at was one of the best he'd ever had. It was Ernst, everything with Ernst was amazing and beautiful. 

Unfortunately though, almost as soon as they pressed their lips together and had time to enjoy the moment, fear overwhelmed both of them and they scrambled apart. 

_“Why did you do that?”_ Hanschen signed frantically, his eyes wide in panic. 

_“You kissed me, why did_ you _do that?”_ Ernst responded, just as panicked as Hanschen was. 

_“I asked first!”_ Hanschen shot back stubbornly. 

_“I did that because I love you Hanschen.”_ Ernst offered. 

_“But why though, I'm a mess Ernst, why would you love me?”_ Hanschen asked, trying to keep a pleading tone out of his voice. _“I push everyone away so everyone leaves and the only person who didn't want to leave died! And trust me, I tried to push him away too he was just a stubborn asshole and stayed!”_

_“I love you because you're you Hanschen!”_ Ernst responded. _“You're funny and you're kind and you're beautiful and I love you!”_

_“I'm broken though Ernst!”_ Hanschen replied. _“I'm so broken and you don't even know yet, you'll find out and you won't love me anymore.”_

_“I doubt that.”_ Ernst replied. _“You're amazing Hanschen, even if there's bad things to you, I love you so I'll love them too!”_

Hanschen looked like he wanted to continue to argue but instead he just stared at Ernst until he continued to sign, this time in a small, anxious manner. _“Why did you kiss me? Did you only kiss me because I remind you of Max?”_

_“Of course not!”_ Hanschen replied, shaking his head. _“I kissed you because, because, well, I love you too Ernst. I don't usually tell people that but here we are.”_

_“As far as I know, the only other person you've ever said I love you to was Max and it can't be a coincidence that I keep reminding you and Thea and Melitta and Martha of him.”_ Ernst pointed out, frowning at himself. 

Hanschen shook his head. _“You do remind me of him but you're so different from him at the same time. I wouldn't of kissed you solely just because you sometimes remind me of him. I kissed you because I love you Ernst, not because I loved Max.”_

Ernst hesitated for a second before he nodded softly then shifted closer to Hanschen so he could lean against his side again and put his head back on Hanschen's shoulder. _“Okay. We said it before, we don't have to be sad. We shouldn't let insecurities ruin this so soon after it's only just begun.”_  


_“Right.”_ Hanschen nodded, relaxing a little and putting his head on top of Ernst's. Ernst fished around for Hanschen's hand and grabbed it. Hanschen felt his heart melt a little more.

They stayed like that for a few more moments, content in staring at the sunset reflected in the water and each other's company. Ernst loved him. Hanschen couldn't believe it. A part of him was still trying to tear himself apart over why but Ernst was right, they shouldn't let insecurities ruin this. It was too good to let it be ruined. Hanschen fought off a goofy grin. God, Ernst loved him. He really, really couldn't believe it. He was overjoyed and couldn't believe it at the same time. Maybe, maybe Ernst would leave him at some point but right now this moment was beautiful and that was all that matter. Or at least it was until Ernst let go of Hanschen's hand and pulled away. 

Fear briefly flashed over Hanschen's face, had he done something wrong? Ernst just blushed and bit his lip, looking down. Before Hanschen could question it, Ernst quickly leaned up and pressed a short kiss to Hanschen's lips. Hanschen smiled before he cupped either side of Ernst's face and brought their lips back together. Hanschen fought the urge to smile as he felt Ernst smile against his lips. Instead, he bit gently at Ernst lower lip and drunk in Ernst's small gasp. Hanschen used that opportunity to slip his tongue into Ernst's mouth slowly, making sure Ernst had no objections. Ernst just slipped his hands into Hanschen's hair and kissed back as much as he could. 

Soon though, the two had to break apart for air. Ernst looked down, panting a little and a scarlet red blush across his face. Before Hanschen could sign anything, Ernst burst out laugh and fell forward, burrowing his face into the crook of Hanschen's neck to muffle his laughter, not that Ernst himself could actually hear it. 

Hanschen frowned and pushed Ernst back to sign _“What?”_

_“It's just, I can't believe this!”_ Ernst laughed. 

_“What is 'this' exactly?”_ Hanschen asked. 

_“Just all of this!”_ Ernst gestured around wildly, grinning. _“I didn't think I'd get to kiss you or that you'd even feel the same or that we'd make out on a dock as the sun set! It's beautiful and I can't believe it!”_

Hanschen smiled softly and shook his head. God Ernst was a dork. _“Me neither.”_

_“I'm glad it happened though.”_ Ernst smiled softly back at Hanschen. 

_“Me too.”_ Hanschen replied. 

Ernst just replied but leaning forward and kissing Hanschen sweetly on the cheek. Hanschen smiled at Ernst and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips again, a kiss which Ernst gladly returned, snaking his hands back into Hanschen's hair. Hanschen had to fight back a groan as Ernst tugged at his hair as Hanschen bit at Ernst's lip again. Jesus Christ, he wanted to spend the rest of his life doing this. But more importantly, in this moment, he wanted to find out what made Ernst tick so he could hopefully hear the boy make more sound. His laugh was one of the most beautiful things Hanschen had ever heard, he could only imagine what his moans would sound like. 

Unfortunately before Hanschen could go further, Ernst pulled back a bit, pressing their foreheads together and panting a bit against Hanschen's lips, his eyes still closed. 

“I love you.” Hanschen spoke as he stared at Ernst through half open eyes in the low light left as the sun was almost gone. He was well aware that Ernst would have no idea what he just said but he felt the words get pulled out of him anyway. After a few moments, Ernst fully pulled away and blushed again. 

_“We should probably head off soon, otherwise we'll miss dinner.”_ Ernst signed shyly. 

Hanschen wanted to argue, to stay here with Ernst forever but instead just nodded. _“Miss Gabor might just kill us if we miss dinner.”_

_“Exactly!”_ Ernst signed before standing up and offering his hand to Hanschen to help him up. Once both boys were up, Ernst blushed and shyly signed _“Though we should definitely do more of that later.”_

Hanschen just grinned and pressed a chaste kiss to Ernst's lips before grabbing his hand, tugging him towards the hall where they ate dinner. Still, Hanschen couldn't believe this. Honestly, after Max he didn't think he'd ever have anyone again. Well, he thought he had Bobby for a little bit but that didn't end well. There was also Melchior but both of them knew right from the start that it was just hooking up, no feelings involved. But this, god, Hanschen didn't even know how to process it. Why would a sweet boy like Ernst like a boy like Hanschen? He had no idea but he wasn't going to fight it at this point. 

Hanschen shook his head, smiling. Ernst glanced over at him, a questioning look on his face but Hanschen just smiled warmly at him and enjoying how Ernst blushed at that like Hanschen's tongue hadn't been in his mouth mere minutes ago. Hanschen pressed a kiss to Ernst's blush. Ernst just blushed harder. 

Soon, the two reached the doors to the hall and Hanschen subconsciously gripped Ernst's hand tighter as he used his other hand to push the door open. Hanschen and Ernst walked over to their friend's table hand in hand, Hanschen pretending his heart wasn't racing. Nobody seemed to notice them until they sat down but when they did, they _all_ noticed Hanschen and Ernst holding hands. 

Martha was the first to comment, with a small smile. _“Are you two together now?”_

_“Yes.”_ Hanschen answered. 

Martha broke out into a large grin. _“I'm so happy for both of you!”_

_“Finally.”_ Melitta signed with a smile and affectionate eye roll. 

_“About time!”_ Wendla grinned. 

_“Says you.”_ Hanschen signed back, hating that he had to drop Ernst hand to do so. _“How long did it take you to tell Ilse again?”_

_“That is not the point.”_ Wendla responded quickly, a light blush raising on her cheeks. 

_“Yes the point is that she loves me and that's all that matters.”_ Ilse signed as she pecked her girlfriend on the cheek. 

_“Gross.”_ Hanschen signed back before grabbing Ernst's hand again. 

Thea rolled her eyes and ignored Wendla and Ilse. _“Congratulations you two. But Hanschen if you hurt Ernst I will kill you. And Ernst, if you hurt Hanschen I'll kill you. Basically don't hurt each other otherwise you're both dead.”_

_“Thanks.”_ Hanschen signed sarcastically before giving up on holding Ernst's hand and instead just pulling Ernst so he was half laying against Hanschen's chest. 

_“I promise not to hurt Hanschen.”_ Ernst opted to signing, seeing right past Thea's cruel words and to her protective nature. 

_“I just can't believe Hanschen actually had the guts to tell someone how he felt.”_ Melchior signed from where he sat with Moritz, who's eyes were closed and probably asleep, in a similar position to Hanschen and Ernst. Man, they both were really oblivious.

Hanschen shrugged. _“Just means I've told one more person that I've loved them than you have G-A-B-O-R.”_

Melchior got a steely determined look at that and gently shook Moritz awake. _“I love you Moritz.”_

Moritz bolted upright at that and glanced around in panic before narrowing his eyes at Melchior. _“Don't make fun of me Melchior.”_

_“I'm not making fun of you?”_ Melchior signed in confusion. 

Moritz just glared at Melchior before standing up and storming away. 

“Moritz, wait!” Melchior yelled as he stood to chase after Moritz even though Moritz couldn't hear him. 

_“Well then.”_ Georg signed. 

_“They'll work it out.”_ Melitta replied with a shrug. 

_“Moritz really does love Melchior and if Melchior feels the same, it'll be fine.”_ Ernst agreed. Everyone kind of just shrugged at that. 

_“Anyway.”_ Martha interrupted with a smile, turning on Hanschen and Ernst. _“Back to the point.”_

_“Yes!”_ Wendla grinned as she too turned on Hanschen and Ernst. _“How did it happen?”_

_“We were sitting on the dock and we kissed.”_ Hanschen shrugged. 

Melitta rolled her eyes. _“With more detail than that please.”_

_“I personally vote for that much detail being enough because knowing Hanschen, more detail is going to scar us all.”_ Otto voiced. 

_“It wasn't like that!”_ Ernst sighed quickly, his face bright red. _“We were talking about how we shouldn't be sad and about how that moment could be beautiful and then we kissed.”_

_“A-W, didn't know little H-A-N-S-I was actually a romantic!”_ Georg teased. 

_“Say that again and I will break your neck.”_ Hanschen signed seriously causing Georg to shrink away in fear. 

_“You wouldn't of said that if it was one of the girls.”_ Georg complained. 

Hanschen just glared at him even harder so Georg shut up. 

_“Georg, you really don't know when to stop.”_ Otto chided. Georg just shrugged. 

Wendla waved her hand to gain everyone's attention. _“Well I for one think it's sweet. I'm very happy for the two of you but I hope you two talked about thing as well.”_

_“We did.”_ Ernst nodded and Wendla smiled in return before turning to Hanschen. 

_“Did you speak too?”_ Wendla asked with narrowed eyes. 

_“I did.”_ Hanschen confirmed. 

_“Good!”_ Wendla grinned. _“I'm definitely very happy for the two of you then!”_

_“Wendla!”_ Ilse signed as she remembered something. _“You should probably give them the polaroid now!”_

_“You're right!”_ Wendla gasped. _“Thanks for reminding me darling!”_

_“The polaroid?”_ Ernst questioned. 

Wendla nodded. _“On your first night here, you and Hanschen fell asleep against each other, remember?”_

Ernst nodded hesitantly. _“Yes?”_

_“I took a polaroid of you two when you were asleep, I knew you might want it one day.”_ Wendla answered. _“You two look very cute in it. Your first night together, even before you were a couple.”_

Hanschen so badly wanted to tell Wendla off for taking a photo of them but in reality he was kind of glad she did. As much as he didn't like admitting it, he was a sentimental piece of shit and Wendla knew that. God damn best friends who know you too well. 

_“It's in the little shoebox under my bed, you can get it later if you'd like.”_ Wendla signed to Ernst. 

_“Thank you?”_ Ernst answered, not entirely sure in his answer. 

_“You're welcome.”_ Wendla smiled. 

_“Anyway.”_ Otto interrupted. _“I wonder how Moritz and Melchior are going.”_

_“Moritz is probably crying and Melchior is probably freaking out but pretending not to be freaking out.”_ Georg deadpanned. 

_“Shut up Georg.”_ Otto replied. 

_“Bite me.”_ Georg responded. 

_“Oh trust me, he'd like to.”_ Hanschen signed with a roll of his eyes. Otto's eyes just went wide. 

_“What?”_ Georg asked, apparently having missed with Hanschen had said. 

_“Nothing.”_ Hanschen replied. 

_“I'd like to think they've kissed by now.”_ Melitta signed. 

_“I fucking hope so.”_ Thea signed. _“It's been years and I'm sick of it.”_

_“Personally, I hope they're just sitting and talking. They've got a long history, they have a lot to talk about and it wouldn't be wise to rush into that without talk about it.”_ Wendla added, ever the wise one. 

Ernst nodded. _“I just want whatever'll make Moritz the happiest honestly.”_

_“I'm with Ernst on this one.”_ Martha nodded before adding teasingly _“I just want my ex-boyfriend to be happy!”_

_“I still so weird to me that you two dated.”_ Ernst commented, pulling a face. _“You're both like, so gay. It's so weird to think about.”_

_“Trust me, it's just as weird for the rest of us.”_ Melitta added. 

_“It's even weird that they affectionately refer to each other as their exes, that just shouldn't be a thing.”_ Thea added, looking mildly disgusted. 

Martha just shrugged and smiled. _“Anyone remember how mad Hanschen got when he found out that Moritz and I were a thing?”_

_“Jesus Christ, yes.”_ Otto responded. _“I was with Moritz when Hanschen came storming in, he looked like he was going to kill Moritz.”_

_“I only threatened him a little bit.”_ Hanschen shrugged before adding with a more serious tone _“Nobody gets to hurt Martha.”_

_“Well, I appreciate it Hanschen.”_ Martha signed with a smile before leaning over and kiss Hanschen on cheek. She then winced and signed to Ernst. _“Wait, no, should I not do that anymore? ”_

Ernst just smiled and shook his head. _“No, it's fine! You girls are just affectionate, it's how you are, I'm good with it!”_ Martha smiled at him so Ernst added teasingly with a pout _“Though right now, it seems a little uneven and we just can't have that.”_

Martha rolled her affectionately and leaned over to kiss Ernst on the cheek too. Hanschen felt a brief flash of possessiveness but he honestly wasn't sure whether it was over Ernst or Martha. Maybe a bit of both? Who knows. 

_“Better?”_ Martha asked Ernst. 

_“Better!”_ Ernst agreed. Ernst then caught Hanschen eye and saw the off look on his face so leaned up from where he was against Hanschen's chest to pressed a kiss to Hanschen cheek who just smiled softly in return. _“Now we're all even!”_

_“E-W.”_ Georg signed, pulling a face as Thea pretended to gag. 

_“Stop hating on our brother's happiness.”_ Melitta told off Thea. 

_“I'm older than you, you don't get to tell me what to do.”_ Thea retorted childishly. 

_“Stop hating on my happiness.”_ Hanschen signed to her as the oldest sibling. 

_“Fuck.”_ Thea swore. 

_“But it's okay if Georg hates on Hanschen's happiness?”_ Ilse questioned. 

_“I'm guessing it's because Hanschen doesn't actually care about what Georg thinks of him.”_ Wendla signed. 

_“True.”_ Both Melitta and Hanschen signed. 

_“Rude.”_ Georg replied. 

_“A-W, brother, you care what I think about you? How lame.”_ Thea mocked. 

_“Shut the fuck up sister.”_ Hanschen replied. 

_“I'm hurt Hanschen, I didn't even say anything.”_ Melitta cut in teasingly. 

_“Other sister.”_

_“We have an other sister?”_ Thea asked Melitta. 

_“Apparently so.”_ Melitta nodded. 

_“I hate both of you.”_ Hanschen signed in annoyance. 

_“You love us.”_ Melitta replied. 

Hanschen rolled his eyes but didn't deny it. 

_“Okay but seriously guys,”_ Otto interrupted. _“are we sure Moritz and Melchior are okay?”_

_“They'll be fine.”_ Ilse shrugged. 

_“They're probably making out against a tree somewhere.”_ Georg answered. 

_“Or crying alone in the dark.”_ Thea added. 

_“Not helpful.”_ Otto told her. 

_“Wasn't trying to be.”_ Thea replied. 

Otto sighed. _“Fine. I'm going to go see how they are if the rest of them won't.”_

As Otto went to stand up, Wendla leaned over and yanked him back down. _“They need to talk. Interrupting them won't help anyone. Text him if you need to but don't go looking for them.”_

_“Who says you get the final say in this?”_ Otto challenged. He quickly shrunk away as the glares of everyone but Georg was turned on him. _“O-H, that's right, it's Wendla, she knows everyone and everything.”_

_“If that was meant to be sarcastic, I will hurt you.”_ Hanschen threatened. 

_“It was not sarcastic.”_ Otto replied. 

_“Good.”_ Martha replied for Hanschen. 

_“You guys really don't have to get so protective!”_ Wendla laughed, honor sparkling in her eyes that her friend's cared that much. 

_“You're the wisest one here, Otto shouldn't of questioned it.”_ Ilse shrugged. 

_“Wiser than Melchior?”_ Georg asked. 

_“Way wiser than Melchior.”_ Thea answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Ernst just nodded along. _“Even I know that Wendla is probably right in most situation. She knows almost everyone best, she's probably right about how to handle them.”_

Wendla smiled sweetly at Ernst. _“Thank you Ernst.”_

_“You're welcome, Fairy Queen.”_ Ernst signed causing Wendla to grin at her nickname. 

Wendla soon shook her head though. _“We should all probably head off to bed soon.”_

Martha nodded. _“Yes, I'm getting sleepy.”_

_“Same.”_ Melitta nodded. _“You want to head to our cabin?”_

Martha nodded and stood, Melitta following suit. Hanschen watched as they left, standing closer together than necessary and smiling sleepily to each other. Hanschen knew they'd be good together, they'd make each other happy but he couldn't help a prick of something slightly painful. He couldn't really put his finger on what it was though. Jealousy? Having to admit his baby sister is grown up and falling in love? Having to admit the girl who while he is not related to her, he's spent a lot of his life protecting is now in love with his sister? He didn't know. He hope they found happiness with each other though. 

_“Hanschen are you thinking what I'm thinking?”_ Thea asked her brother. 

_“That our baby sister is growing up? Yes.”_ Hanschen nodded. 

_“I don't know which of them I'm meant to be mad at and give the big sister “don't hurt them” talk to.”_ Thea replied, narrowing her eyes. 

_“Same.”_ Hanschen agreed. 

_“Want to take one each?”_ Thea asked. 

_“Sure.”_ Hanschen nodded. _“But we should decide who takes who later.”_

_“Good because I'm going to head off too.”_ Otto added in with a yawn. _“Coming Thea?”_

Thea rolled her eyes. _“Fine.”_

_“You're still not happy you have to room with Otto are you?”_ Ernst asked with a cheeky grin. 

_“I'm really not.”_ Thea agreed. 

_“Rude.”_ Otto signed. 

_“Good.”_ Thea signed back. 

_“I'll join you guys.”_ Georg added and with that the three of them got up and left, leaving just Ilse, Wendla, Hanschen and Ernst at the table. 

There was a pause where Ilse and Wendla shot looks at each other before Wendla signed _“Hanschen, would you mind cabin swapping with with me for the night?”_

Hanschen shrugged. _“Sure just don't tell me about what you and Ilse get up to alone.”_

Wendla blushed while Ilse grinned. Regardless, Wendla added in _“You okay with that too Ernst?”_

_“Of course!”_ Ernst smiled. 

_“Great, we'll be gone to then!”_ Ilse grinned. 

Wendla looked over to her with a smile so in reply Ilse grabbed her hand and quickly kissed her before the stood up and Ilse lead her away from the table.

_“Want to head off to my cabin?”_ Ernst asked, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. He probably just realized this meant him and Hanschen would be alone together all night, Hanschen guessed. 

_“Of course.”_ Hanschen nodded as he stood up, turning around to help Ernst up to. 

Ernst smiled at Hanschen as they left the hall, tucking himself into Hanschen's side and Hanschen just smiling sweetly at him. Just a bit away from the hall though, something caught Hanschen's eyes and- well, it appeared Georg was right, that was indeed Moritz and Melchior making out against a tree. Hanschen was torn between “oh my god fucking god, finally” and “ew I really wish I didn't have to see that.” 

_“Finally.”_ was the one Hanschen voiced with a snort though. 

_“I'm happy for them.”_ Ernst smiled as he noticed them too. Jesus Christ, how was this boy so filled with love and light that upon seeing his two friends grossly making out against a tree that his reaction was being happy for them? 

Hanschen just looked at Ernst with a raised eyebrow, fighting off a laugh. 

Ernst tried not to laugh in return. _“What?”_

_“You just saw your two friends grossly making out against a tree and yet you're happy for them. Most people'll would be annoyed at having to see that. I'm annoyed at having to see that. It's gross as fuck. But not you though.”_ Hanschen explained. 

Ernst just smiled and shook his head. _“I am happy for them. They like each other and they'll make each other happy. That's always something to be happy about.”_

Hanschen just smiled and shook his head. The rest of the walk to the cabin was quiet with no signing, neither of them feeling the need to fill in the silence. Once they were in the cabin though, Ernst started to sign again. 

_“You don't have any pajamas with you.”_ He stated. 

_“I do not have any pajamas with me.”_ Hanschen confirmed. _“I'm okay with sleeping in my clothes though.”_

Ernst shook his head and then blushed a little. _“No, you can borrow some of my clothes if you'd like? They might be a bit small but they should fit?”_

Hanschen smirked. _“Is this retribution for having to wear my clothes on the first day?”_

_“No!”_ Ernst signed quickly, his face turning redder. Hanschen just smirked as Ernst turned around to start fishing through his draws for pajamas and to hide his blush. Soon though, Ernst turned back around and handed Hanschen a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. _“Will this do?”_

_“Of course Ernst, thank you.”_ Hanschen replied and leaned forward to kiss Ernst on the cheek. 

Ernst just smiled back at Hanschen before busying himself with finding clothes for himself. Hanschen smiled at the ground as he started to strip his clothes off to change into Ernst's. Ernst was right, they were a bit small but clothes that were a bit small were never an enemy to Hanschen. Anything that clung to his body and showed it off more was more than welcome honestly. If Ernst's gaping reaction to seeing Hanschen in his clothes was anything to go boy, these clothes definitely showed off his body more. Hanschen fought off a smirk at that. 

Ernst shook his head and took a moment to try to build up his confidence before he stripped off his shirt in front of Hanschen. Ernst risked a quick look at Hanschen to see his reaction and that's when it clicked to Hanschen. 

_“Ernst?”_ Hanschen asked. _“Earlier today I told you that you could get anyone you wanted by showing off your body more and then told you to do things like take off your shirt and bit your lip and bend over to pick things up. You have done all those things in front of me today. Were you using my own advice to seduce me?”_

Ernst blushed bright red and stared at the ground. _“Maybe.”_ He risked a glance up at Hanschen through his lashed. _“Did it work?”_

_“God, yes it did Ernst.”_ Hanschen said as he moved forward so him and Ernst were standing with very little room between them. 

There was a moment where they just stared at each other and breathed before Hanschen pressed forward and kissed Ernst deeply. Ernst's kissed back enthusiastically, biting at Hanschen's lower lip a bit and his hands immediately going to Hanschen's hair again. Hanschen fought back a groan. God damn it, why did Ernst's hands in his hair feel so good? Why were Ernst's lips so good too? Just god, why was _Ernst_ so good? 

Soon the two broke apart about and pressed their foreheads together as they breathed. Ernst pulled away after a few moments to sign. _“We should really go to bed.”_

_“Yes.”_ Hanschen agreed but then hesitated. _“I'm not allowed in Wendla's bed.”_

Ernst frowned at that. _“Why?”_

_“Well, you see, she once found me with another boy in her bed.”_

_“Hanschen!”_ Ernst signed, looking scandalized. 

_“We didn't do anything!”_ Hanschen defended himself. _“We were just both tired and her bed was closer than mine so we fell asleep in her bed. Still though Wendla does not believe me that we didn't do anything and now I'm not aloud anywhere near her bed.”_

Ernst nodded and blushed. _“Share my bed then? It's only a single like all the other beds but we should fit if we squash in a bit.”_

Hanschen nodded and with a yawn moved over to sit on the edge of Ernst's bed. Ernst climbed into his bed and tugged Hanschen to lie down next to him, Hanschen's arms immediately wrapping around him and pulling him close to his chest. Ernst wriggled back for a moment, giving himself just enough room to sign. 

_“I love you.”_ Ernst signed. Hanschen smiled and buried his head into the crook of Ernst's neck. 

“I love you.” Hanschen mumbled into Ernst's skin, hoping Ernst got the point without actually being able to hear what Hanschen said.

Ernst giggled a little at Hanschen's lips tickling his neck so Hanschen pulled back. Ernst just beamed at Hanschen, wriggling into his embrace even closer and wrapping his own arms around Hanschen. As Hanschen shut his eyes, he couldn't help but smile softly. He wanted to spend the rest of his life like this, Ernst wrapped in his arms and everything just quiet and happy. He never thought he'd get this again after Max, never thought he'd be able to have those feelings again but here he was and he didn't think he could actually be happier. It one day might end it heartbreak, his and Ernst's insecurities might end up destroying them but in this moment everything was beautiful and that's all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so fun fact: if the first like 3000 words of this sucks it's because while writing my laptop crashed and deleted all that so I had to rewrite it and was pretty pissed off while doing so yeah whoops. I hope you all enjoy it anyway though!
> 
> [Also I have a tumblr](http://littlehansirilow.tumblr.com/)


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